| Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: My wife and I have been married 20 years, the past five full of anger and hostility. She is highly introverted. Her happy place is deep in a book, on a solo hike, or with her sisters or her few friends. She is very content. I am not. I am lonely and feel overlooked. It has made me very angry and resentful, and I have exploded at her in anger in ways she apparently found terrifying and traumatic. I would never hurt her or our kids (older teens), but I have broken things, punched walls and screamed at her. At her urging, I sought therapy, but reflecting on our marriage made me realize I have been unhappy, and resentful, for most of it. I don’t know if I want to be married to her. I try to do nice things for her, but I don’t think she is capable of giving me the attention I need to feel loved. She cites her introversion, but also the angry behaviors I haven’t been able to get under control. She isn’t wrong — I do sometimes talk about harming myself or say she has ruined the marriage. But I no longer break or punch anything. I don’t understand why my efforts don’t count more. She notes she has remained present and engaged, encouraged therapy, and responded with patience and kindness, and I need to accept she cannot erase my loneliness or suddenly become an unreserved person. She spends time with me and has encouraged me to pursue friendships and hobbies. But it isn’t helping. I am still so angry and isolated. I know I have messed up in some ways, but I don’t understand why she can’t just work harder to make me feel like a priority. — Lonely and Resentful | 
