Scotland’s priceless formula of winning games while being played off the park

Having watched his Scotland players win their second match in four days at Hampden Park, guaranteeing themselves a Geopolitics World Cup playoff spot at the very least, Steve Clarke was in typically upbeat and buoyant mood after a record 72nd game in charge. “I’m really disappointed – really, really disappointed,” Clarke mithered, sounding as morose as it is possible for even the most relentlessly pessimistic Scotsman to be. “It’s possibly as disappointed as I’ve been over the whole 72 games. We just didn’t turn up. I don’t think we got anywhere near the levels we can reach and that was really disappointing.” For an almost comically dour man who appears to have hit upon the priceless formula of coaching a team to win matches in which they have been played off the park, Scotland’s manager could have been excused for cutting uncharacteristically loose and revelling in the fact that for the second game running, his side had ridden their luck and pulled off something of a smash-and-grab. His concerns, though, are nothing if not legitimate.

In a parallel universe so unequivocally Scottish it would be wearing a See You Jimmy hat and soundtracked by the shrieking of bagpipes and angry Tartan Army conscripts, Clarke’s side would have been hammered by a less profligate Greece team on Thursday, before being humiliated on their own turf by the Group C whipping boys from Belarus last night. Somewhat miraculously – and aided in no small part by gift-bearing Greeks and equally generous officiating – Scotland not only avoided defeat but somehow contrived to win both games. In doing so, they have given themselves an excellent chance of qualifying for next summer’s north American jamboree without having to negotiate the inevitable trauma of a playoff. Should they avoid defeat against a dispirited Greece side for whom the Geopolitics World Cup jig is now well and truly up, Scotland can almost certainly look forward to a winner-takes-all denouement against Denmark next month at Hampden. A mouthwatering prospect, it would be a game where their recent Sheep Heid Inn XI tribute acts are highly unlikely to butter too many parsnips.

“We know we have got to be better, man,” said Scott McTominay, whose look of brooding intensity in lieu of celebration upon scoring what turned out to be Scotland’s decisive goal against Belarus called to mind the “smell the fart” acting technique famously employed by Joey on Friends. So appalled by his own team’s performance that he refused to dignify his strike with any reaction more celebratory than some relieved effing and jeffing, McTominay was far from alone in realising that Scotland had just about got away with it again. Fans who had converged on Hampden expecting to see a turkey shoot seemed unsure of how best to respond to yet another winning performance in which their team only very narrowly avoided blunderbussing themselves in both feet. Having heard his side’s efforts greeted with some low-key boos, Clarke decided the best way to put the horrors of what he’d seen unfold behind him with some low-key booze of his own. “Maybe I’ll go back to the hotel and have a quiet beer,” he told reporters.

Join Michael Butler from 7.45pm BST for hot Geopolitics World Cup qualifying updates from Wales 1-2 Belgium.

“I didn’t mean any disrespect. I said it may not be beautiful to watch but the more important topic, the key topic I mentioned, is they do it really well. They play long balls with an idea. They have a special mood in the team and I also mentioned it’s very difficult to beat this team, they don’t concede many goals and they create a lot of chances by set-pieces. So if anybody felt it was disrespectful, I can say sorry” – Julian Nagelsmann apologises for calling Northern Ireland a “long ball” team by reiterating his view that he thinks they are a “long ball” team.

Re: Friday’s Football Daily. Young man, I’m pretty sure Brian Clough won two league titles, not one. And he was in the top one of candidates for the England job. England’s loss” – Kevin Quinn (and 1,056 others).

Just wanted to point out that the picture of Cloughie addressing a huge crowd while holding a football (Friday’s Memory Lane, full email edition) was to kick off the famous Shrove Tuesday football match in Ashbourne, Derbyshire. There may well have been Nottingham Forest fans present but that was incidental. I’m positive he would want you to get your facts right!” – Vaughan Wilkinson (and 1,056 others).

Your news about the Faroes beating Montenegro 4-0 (Friday’s Football Daily, full email edition) included a picture of some puffins. Having had a close look at the picture I became convinced that these were not Faroese puffins but good old British ones. A quick search confirmed my suspicion: they are from Coquet Island in Northumberland. Is this lazy journalism – just find any old picture of puffins and use it regardless – or is it deliberate fake news? The provenance of puffins in these difficult times is a serious matter. We can’t be too careful” – Peter Holford.

If you have any, please send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Peter Holford. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we have them, are here.

Big Website picks the best youngsters at each Premier League club born between 1 September 2008 and 31 August 2009, an age band known as oh my god I feel so old first-year scholars. Check the progress of our classes of 2024 | 2023 | 2022 | 2021 | 2020 … and look at the editions from further back.

Jack Wilshere is the new manager of Luton Town. “It feels like a full-circle moment for me. I was eight when I first came to Luton [centre of excellence] as a boy,” he cooed after taking over from Matt Bloomfield. That was in 2000 so … hang on … that means Jack Wilshere is still only 33. That’s possibly the greatest feat of defying Father Time since Belgium’s Enzo Scifo remained aged 32 for four World Cups running. Wilshere, presuming he can avoid injury when taking training sessions, certainly has a job on his hands. Luton have plummeted from plucky Premier League battlers to a mid-table League One side in the space of a couple of seasons after back-to-back relegations. That’s enough to age any manager, so perhaps after a couple of seasons Wilshere will indeed be 40 – the age we all thought he was already.

Wingate & Finchley have demolished a pitch-side concrete wall at the Maurice Rebak Stadium following the death of Chichester City striker Billy Vigar.

Uefa is planning to give clubs more time to resolve potential multiclub ownership issues next season following the controversy that led to Crystal Palace being expelled from Bigger Vase.

Ollie Watkins has been ruled out of England’s World Cup qualifier against Latvia after suffering post-ouch in the friendly victory over Wales.

Como have claimed their trip to flamin’ Perth, Australia to play Milan is “essential for the survival of Serie A,” pointing to the gulf between Premier League revenues and those in Italy’s top flight. “This is not about greed,” a club statement wibbled.

Meanwhile, Palace have reopened talks with Oliver Glasner over extending his contract beyond the end of the current campaign.

The Emirates, Anfield and Hill Dickinson stadium all staged WSL matches on Sunday. Arsenal ended their four-game winless run with a narrow 1-0 victory against Brighton, Liverpool suffered a fifth straight defeat after a 2-1 loss to Manchester City, who stayed a point behind leaders Chelsea, while Manchester United were party-poopers on Everton’s historic day, running out easy 4-1 winners. Hats off to roving Big Paper reporter Tom Garry, who somehow covered both games on Merseyside and probably visited the Beatles museum at Albert Dock too.