LAST WEEK'S BREAKTHROUGHS

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to say “no” to one thing you’d normally say “yes” to, then regret. Here’s Michael:

“I just did this. It was awesome. Thank you.

I'd signed up to do something I was excited about: running a writing workshop with young people. Then they asked me to do an add-on session for the teachers... on a separate day… and the thought just made me feel a bit sick.

I didn't need the money. But I did technically have time for it. It was only a few hours. And if I didn't, wasn't I letting them down?

Then your email came and suddenly I felt clearer. I just pinged a nice email back to that effect and felt the relief. At this rate, I might even finish my book.”

Audrey is resetting her thinking:

“Am I a people pleaser? Perhaps.

I prefer to think that first, I have endless amounts of energy and second, I have no issues staying on top of things, so even with three kids, I will say yes to any invitation. Especially since moving to a city five hours from our previous haunts, this has been tremendously helpful in building a circle of friends.

It can also be more than invitations: need someone to pick up your kid from kindergarten? No problem, I am picking mine anyways. Organizing a birthday party and need help? Sure, I will bake the cookies, takes me only ten minutes.

But in relation to my parents, this is getting out of hand.

We were at my parents for Christmas. I was running myself ragged to ‘help’ my mother, while watching my kids, without a minute to myself. At 1pm, guests were at the door and I was not yet showered, dressed or made up. I got a lot of flak for it, ran upstairs to get into the shower and was called three times ‘what are you doing?’ Well, getting a shower and throwing a dress on, obviously.

I finally had it and said, in a firm voice, that since I had been doing everything since 7am, while watching the kids, I understandably needed ten minutes to attend to myself. Unless someone wanted to sit next to my sweaty self.

And that I wasn't coming down before I felt presentable.

Even last year, I would have ended up in tears and yelling. This time, I didn't let myself be pressured and took my time getting a shower without kids in the bathroom.”

Finally, Robert in our community is saying “no” to mindless consumption:

“The one small change I'm bringing to my daily life is cutting out unstructured TV time. I love watching TV, and tend to do it whenever I eat. Sometimes I get really roped in and end up losing an hour or two which I'd much rather spend doing more meaningful things. So I've decided to cut out TV until a block in the evening with a designated cut off point. I'd like to eventually fill that time with more creative work, but baby steps.”

This month in our Solved Membership community, we are working on boundaries, on saying “no” to things that distract us from what truly matters. One subscription gives you daily action prompts, genuine community support, special events with me, and resources that help you change in ways that stick. Learn more here.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
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