| Dear Carolyn: May I tell a friend that I’m disappointed in how she acted on a date that I helped set up? I’ve been friends with her for about two years. She has been unhappily single for several years and is actively looking for a serious and long-term partnership. She has asked, often, to be set up by me or other friends. Now, normally I would not agree to this because I KNOW how messy it gets. But when she moved to my city, I made an exception because I knew a perfect match — my husband’s brother. He has also been looking for a serious relationship, he’s a great guy, his life and finances are well organized, and he’s an uncanny match for this friend. They share many hobbies, but not all. They’re both intelligent and goofy. They both love travel, raves and music festivals. They’re both attractive and love working out. They are not interested in flings. They both have good jobs and advanced degrees and share compatible long-term financial and career goals. They’re aligned on children, gender roles in a marriage and even their timelines for when those things should occur. I’m in a unique position to know these things, being close to both. So I caved and set them up. They went on one date that was, according to both sides, magical. They even broke their (again, similar) rules against spending the night on the first date. My friend raved about him. My brother-in-law raved about her. And then he asked her out again, and she told him she “couldn’t see herself getting serious with him.” He’s extremely disappointed. Obviously, her reasons for this feeling are her own, and they’re valid regardless of what I may think. But I would like to tell her I’m disappointed by her 180 and conduct that doesn’t align with her stated lack of interest in flings or casual dates. Part of my desire to tell her off is indignation on behalf of my brother-in-law. I am also annoyed at what is becoming a pattern of her rejecting excellent candidates before really getting to know them, while complaining about being single. I believe this will cool our friendship, but that’s happening already because I’m annoyed with her. I know I assumed some risk when I set them up. Must I now bite my tongue, or would I be within my rights to give her some feedback? — Miffed Matchmaker | 
