LAST WEEK'S BREAKTHROUGHS

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to choose one trade-off in life that you want, and go for it—even if it means disappointing someone.

Barbara chose mental health over a friendship:

“I set some boundaries with a friend regarding some topics that I found upsetting, and they reacted by telling me I took away their safe space and wouldn’t let them be themselves.

What I’ve realized—and as a conflict-averse person, this is important—is that prioritizing your mental health isn’t going to make some people happy. The trade-off for mental peace is losing some people in your life.

Of course, as with any trade-off, you have to ask yourself if the loss matters. If you choose work over time with your children, for example, you need to look at whether it’s a wise trade.

But other times, you can see in retrospect that the loss wasn’t as big as you thought. In my case, if a friend ends a friendship because they can’t rant to you anymore, then maybe the friendship wasn’t as equal as you thought.”

Our next reader traded judgment for growth:

“My trade-off this morning felt ‘right’ for where I am and how I want to grow.

I belong to a large, online group of women with strong opinions about religion, psychology, and how to best live a satisfying life. They come from all walks of life and various spiritual and career backgrounds.

I’ve noticed that I’m drawn to some and not to others. Drawn to those with whom I agree and resistant to those whose ideas I find unsettling. In the past my solution was to skip over the comments that trigger my resistance, which has led me to ignore most of what those particular people share.

This morning I realized that the ones I find unsettling are the teachers who are showing me what I still need to work on if I ‘really’ want to be the open, compassionate, inclusive, and engaged person I want to be.

So instead of ignoring their contributions this morning, I paid close attention to their shares, looking for the essences of what I could relate to or learn from. And there was a lot. In my responses I shared things that stretched me and kept me curious and more open vs closed, attached to old beliefs, and self-righteously positioning myself, in my own mind, ‘above it all.’

I traded judgment and disengagement for engagement and growth. It felt great!

Thanks for this one—possibly life-changing!”

Finally, at the end of January’s Boundaries month, I asked our community members what they wouldn’t trade for anything. For Doreen, the answer is clear:

“One firm boundary for me is listening to my body when it tells me to slow down or stop. I have had to have surgery in the past because I pushed my body too hard for family and work.

Flexible boundary: Doing less exercise on days when my body isn’t up to it.

My health is important to me and is my #1 priority. If I lose it, my quality of life greatly suffers and I want to avoid that as long as I can.”

So far, members of our Solved Membership community have worked alongside one another to “solve” major life issues like boundaries, values, emotions, and more. This month, we’re tackling romantic relationships. Learn more here.

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
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