LAST WEEK'S BREAKTHROUGHS

In last week’s newsletter, I asked you to reflect on what your achievements and failures reveal about your priorities in life.

Steph named a major achievement:

“Wow, I did not expect to burst into tears after reading your prompt. I’ve been feeling a bit frustrated with where I am professionally, and whenever I spiral, I think about everything I should and could have done, and everything that I did but that didn’t turn out the way I wanted. In many ways I’ve failed, and thinking about those failures is not exactly anything new for me.

But you didn’t ask me straight for my failures. You first forced me to look at my achievements. And those might not be professional, but I am so proud of the wonderful people my kids are growing up to be; and how safe and happy they feel around me. To many, that may sound like the most banal thing, but I suffered transitioning into the mother I am today. It was a long, hard process that I stumbled and worked my way through, and I am so proud of the presence in my kids’ lives that I am today.

I guess I had never looked at it in the way you put it, because people frown upon moms who consider their ‘matrescence’ with anything other than gratitude, let alone as ‘suffering.’ But it was hard, and it took everything I had physically and mentally, and I did it. And yes, that meant I couldn’t take any more suffering in other areas of my life, and that’s ok.

Thanks for making me realize that today.”

Our next reader recognized their resilience:

“I admit, at first glance, I really wanted to balk at this prompt, only because I feel I’ve failed at so many things.

I’m turning 36 this year. I’ve wasted a good portion of my twenties thanks to life circumstances and family complications. Just when I thought I was on the right track at 25, my grandmother passed, my father was diagnosed with cancer, and my mother passed suddenly from heart failure all within the span of six months. It rocked my world. I dropped out of everything, stopped my education, and really had to focus on my emotional well-being and grieve appropriately. I got into, and then out of a bad relationship. Honestly, I thought a person couldn’t f*ck up more than I had.

This year, I’ve managed to do two things that I’ve failed miserably at, constantly throughout my life. I work with horses, and I work with writers. I own my own publishing company, and it’s opened so many doors for me to meet some of my writing heroes.

I had to fail so much to get here, and not all of it my fault. But at some point the failures got less.”

Finally, Fiona resolved to prioritize herself:

“Very interesting timing for this email! An event happened this weekend that was a huge wake-up call regarding priorities (which I would say is closely related to values), and just how messed up mine were. Without going into the whole backstory, in brief, I have been dealing with an eating disorder/body image issues for decades and as such, run obsessively every single day.

Last Saturday, I tripped and went down pretty hard—but as I got up, my first concern was a) whether I would be able to complete this run and b) if it was going to prevent me from running over the next few days (second concern was whether my phone was cracked which, while understandable, is questionable too!)

I was definitely hurt, but not quite enough to not be able to run, so yes, I carried on, and it wasn't until I got home that it really hit me just how far my priorities are from where I truly want them to be—and as a result, I resolved to do something about that.

I know that I need to start with small steps (the roots of my issues are very ingrained and won't change overnight), but I'm determined to make some changes—work on identifying MY priorities, not my eating disorder's—and stay true to them, despite everything in my head screaming at me to do otherwise.”

As always, send your breakthroughs by simply replying to this email. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.

Until next week,

Mark Manson

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
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