There's a lot of discussion out there about whether you should build yourself or find yourself.
Here's my 2 cents on this:
I think there are two major phases in a person's life.
1) The first is the building phase.
It's when you get intentional about who you are.
You look at your habits, your behaviours, the way you show up - and you start making active choices.
Cutting out what doesn't serve you.
Doubling down on what does.
Constructing, piece by piece, the person you want to become.
For most people, this hits in their 20s and early 30s.
And it's one of the most powerful things you can go through.
2) The second is the discovery phase.
That's when you come back to yourself… and start to notice that some of what you built was armour.
Patterns and personas that made sense at the time, because they helped you get ahead or kept you from getting hurt.
But that aren't really you.
So you stop "building yourself" and instead pay attention to where your interest naturally gravitates.
Even if that means "slacking off" in ways you never would have tolerated in the build phase.
So if you’re feeling wiped out, you don’t force yourself into a social event or conversation to develop your charisma.
Instead you leave the event early to take a nap.
If you’ve already gone through the build phase, this adds a balance of self-care to the skills you’ve developed.
And it winds up making you MORE confident, charismatic, and successful (according to your own, personal definition) than endless building.
Both phases matter.
Neither is wrong.
They’re just different phases of life.
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Which phase are you in? I'd love to know - hit reply and tell me. :-)
Take care, Charlie
P.S. If you're in the building phase - actively choosing who you want to be - and you want to:
Walk into any room and make an impression people actually remember...
Have conversations that flow naturally and easily, where the other person is leaning in, laughing, asking questions - instead of those painful silences where you're both looking for an exit...
Connect quickly and deeply with people you actually want in your life - mentors, partners, friends who push you forward...
Then I'd love for you to check out Charisma University.
It's the 6-week program I created to help you build real, lasting charisma - not tips and tricks, but the kind of deep confidence and social ease that becomes second nature.
Over 10 hours of training.
A daily action guide.
And a 60-day money back guarantee - so if it doesn't change your life, you pay nothing.
If you feel like you're in the building phase - or you're ready to start it: