It was only a generation or two ago when societal norms in Canada around money in a relationship were strictly divided: Men made the money and women tended to the house.

Today – thankfully – things have changed. Marriages aren’t as one-sided, and men and women have far more choices.

Life is expensive and there are most often two earners in a relationship. It’s common these days for one partner to make a bit more – or a lot more – than the other.

And that can lead to problems. How do you split everyday costs such as housing and bills when one person makes significantly more than the other? What if one person needs to cover household costs while the other changes careers? What happens when one person gets a huge inheritance? Whose career will be sacrificed if one person needs to stay home with a child?

A recent survey in the U.K. found that one in five respondents either have ended or would end a romantic relationship or friendship because of difficulties arising from salary differences.

The problem is that couples float through financial decisions in a relationship with little thought, until a major decision appears, says Andrew Sofin, a Montreal-based relationship therapist. This unconscious approach, where both partners make assumptions, is how money can derail a relationship.

He adds that some men have a hard time accepting their partner makes more than them because it’s a hit to their ego and masculinity. There’s a lot to unlearn from a couple generations ago.

At the same time, there’s a persistent wage gap between genders, which also plays a role in how romantic partners talk about money. Statistics Canada data found women make 88 cents for every dollar earned by men. The gap is larger for racialized women.

I’m looking for readers of this newsletter to share their personal money relationship dilemmas for a future article. I’ll speak with financial experts who will comment on the best way to structure a conversation about money issues, and relationship therapists who will talk about the best way to navigate these decisions without resentment.

The experts say the right decision on paper isn’t always the right decision for the relationship.

Reach out to me at sfarooqui@globeandmail.com to share your thoughts and experiences.

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