| Dear Carolyn: I know one of the most often cited regrets of the dying is “I wish I had the courage to live the life I wanted, not the life others expected of me.” What if I know that but am paralyzed by fear and a sense of duty to remain in a marriage that has not been a true marriage for over a decade? A 35-year marriage with a child, adult and living independently. We were never a passionate match but drifted apart decades ago. For the past 15 years we have lived separate lives. No vacations, holidays, evenings, events, dinners, etc. Separate floors in same big house. We exist around each other. I am and have always been the only income earner and have done fairly well for us. I have never been happy with it and attempted to divorce in 2009, was talked out of it. Within the past two years the benign coexistence has turned into a stress-inducing, fight-or-flight, cortisol-spike experience with each encounter. And more recently my spouse did something (not infidelity) that broke my heart in a way I didn’t think possible. I know I cannot live the next 20, 30 or however many years I have left in a state of constant stress. I cannot be myself, share my inner feelings or simply be calm and comfortable at home. Yet I am frozen by fear of confrontation. When I think “Today is the day,” my nervous system flips the table over and shuts down. How do people summon the courage to act? — Frozen | 
