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JVL’s mother-in-law passed away last night. JVL texted me and Tim in the middle of the night to let us know about her passing and to say that he couldn’t write The Triad this week.
I scrolled up and looked at the picture JVL had sent us over the weekend of his entire family camped out in the living room, surrounding her and keeping vigil.
And I had a thought: Readers of this newsletter obviously know a lot about JVL, because he weaves his life into his writing. But there’s something about him you might not know.
JVL loves people.
Yes, I know. His assessment of “The People” in this newsletter is often bleak, occasionally bordering on misanthropic. But it’s always a little funny to me, because IRL no one loves individual people harder and with more devotion than JVL. Someday I will convince him that “people” are just lots of individuals.
You know the maximalist way he’s always making pronouncements both on the pods and in his writing? “WE’RE ALL DOOMED,” “AMERICA IS OVER.” Ironically, that’s also how he loves people. Pedal to the metal. He’s always telling me, in totally benign contexts, that he’d take a bullet for me—which is lovely, but not the required response to asking him to get a sub for The Secret Pod while I’m traveling.
The Bulwark community gets to see a lot of our friendship on display. But there are always a few minutes before and after we tape, where we talk about the things not fit for public consumption. And over the last couple of months we’ve mostly talked about his mother-in-law.
JVL really forking loved her. He loved her in a do-anything, be-anywhere, drop-everything-for-her kind of way—which is why he’s going to be taking some time away from The Triad.
But here’s the thing. JVL loves lots of people like that. Obviously his wife and family. But also a bunch of us here at The Bulwark, starting with Bill. As many of you know, JVL and I hardly knew each other when The Bulwark started, and the whole bit about us being “best friends” was sort of a way of breaking the ice, because it was weird to be recording a two-person podcast with someone I hardly knew, and even weirder to be building a whole new publication with him.
But now I also think maybe he was manifesting the future. Because if you looked at the people I talk to most, it wouldn’t be silly to guess that JVL and I were actually best friends from way back, the way Tim and I are.
Now the three of us are enmeshed in each other’s lives in ways we couldn’t have imagined when The Bulwark was just getting started.
In fact, the three of us are on a text chain that is an endless mix of work conversations about The Bulwark and our lives. We have a separate chain that includes JVL’s wife.
JVL’s love for people is so strong that by sheer force it encompasses those around them—their own families and loved ones. It can’t be contained to a single person.
Tim and I were recently in Aspen together and were talking about JVL behind his back. And Tim said that “JVL’s devotion to his mother-in-law is almost hard to process because . . . who loves their mother-in-law that much? Usually when you hear about mothers-in-law, it’s in the context of a complaint. I mean I have a great mother-in-law but I’ve never heard anyone in my life be so effusive or committed to their spouse’s mom.”
Tim said it almost makes you wonder if there is an angle of some kind, or if it’s a trick JVL is trying to play on God so he can get into heaven. How can Mr. ‘Falcon Heavy Into the Sun’ also be the person who only takes off work to tend to an ill mother-in-law or do favors for church friends? But that’s the thing with JVL, it’s not a trick, it’s just Maximum JVL Guaranteed, no matter the circumstance.
That’s our boy.
Currently, JVL and my wife are having an ongoing text conversation about coordinating pinball machines. (Do you think either of us were considering a pinball machine before JVL decided they were mandatory for a life well lived? We were not.) And JVL has managed to become best friends with my real-life best friend, with whom he often shares details about his life prior to sharing them with me. I’m not saying they’re closer than I am to either of them, but as JVL might say, I’m not not saying that.
He’s like a cranky love bomb that has, over the years, somehow become my work husband (which is the only kind of husband of interest), business partner, podcast cohost, editor of my book, and perennial gut-check. Also, for all of our disagreements, he’s the best writer I’ve ever encountered. No one who is as good as him is as fast as him. And no one who is as fast as him is as good as him.
I know a bunch of you all who get this newsletter have felt JVL’s love, and become his friends. I’m sure you have stories of him responding to an email you never expected anyone to read, or giving a detailed and thoughtful answer to a question you had, or convincing you to spend too much money on a new watch.
Just like the time, against my vociferous protestations, he sent my kids an inflatable bouncy house during the pandemic. Obviously it turned out to be an endless source of joy and occasional headbumps, which gave me the opportunity to shout “Get up! You’re fine!” at regular intervals. Which was fun for me.
I know I’m preaching to the choir here, but we’re really lucky to have JVL. The fact that he puts out this newsletter five days a week—plus all the podcasts and videos and everything else he does—is a testament to how much he loves this community, and how hard he loves in general.
Honestly, that’s all I wanted to say. This is a JVL appreciation post. We love you, man.
If you want to do something nice for JVL and his family, his mother-in-law was a big fan of this charity, and I’m sure it would mean a lot to them if you guys wanted to send something their way.