It's midsummer entertaining season, so let's unpack the art of hosting intimate groups without driving yourself to bankruptcy or the mental precipice. Recs!
Having people over
Per the Atlantic: "Is a home a retreat from the outside world or a gathering place that invites others in? Ideally, it would be both. But many Americans have come to treat their home as a private fortress."
The piece by Julie Beck suggests that Americans have retreated too far into their homes and lost the habit of inviting others in: "When people trade social time for me time, they are sacrificing what research has found is the No. 1 predictor of a happy life: relationships. So what should you do when you’re missing your friends but you’re totally exhausted? You could force yourself to go out more. Or you could radically readjust your expectations. Just have people over!"
The gist of the essay is that our homes don't have to be perfect to be meeting spaces. We don't always have to entertain. We can have people over to fold the laundry and watch a show. I appreciate this way of thinking, especially in — say it with me — THIS ECONOMY.
Doing too much
That said, I do love to entertain. I just love an occasion! I love a menu, a tablescape, a flower arrangement, a playlist, a long, lingering conversation over a tad too much vino. I love do too much when the mood arises! Like eyebrows, "entertaining" and "having people over" are cousins, not twins. And there's room for both, IMO.
We had a few friends over this weekend, and I tried to hit a happy medium. Time was, I would insist on making everything from scratch at the expense of my own good time. Ask me about the French dinner party where I got so distracted cooking that I clamped down on a pot handle that had been in the oven for hours. I burst into tears just as friends arrived, a fresh stigmata forming.
I have mellowed with age. These days when I host, I try to hit a balance of homemade offerings mixed with easy, pre-made things. Chances are, no one is going to spot the sauce from Trader Joe's versus one I spent an hour stirring and sieving. No one will care if there's a cobweb on the deck. No one, at least not the people I want to hang with, will go home and talk smack about how I did not sprout grain for homemade bread. And if you do, please don't let me know.
Cleaning checklist
My natural inclination is to wait until the last minute, then attempt to clean the entire house and cook a full meal. This doesn't work! My new approach is to make a checklist in my phone's notes app at the start of the week with odd chores or errands. Sweep, fluff, run stuff to charity, go to Aldi, whatever it may be. I tell myself to do one thing per day leading up to the hang. This works. It really does. It works so well that my next mission is to, you know, live my whole life this way.
An easy outfit
A casual hosting outfit should not signal discomfort. It should not cut into your love handles all night or require you to sit perfectly still like a Degas sculpture. That makes everyone else uncomfortable, too!
A friend at book club influenced me into picking up this dress from Pact. It has a built-in bra and POCKETS. And the open back is really cool. You're welcome.
Being yourself
There's been much discourse about whether Taylor Swift's wedding was tacky. And maybe it was! We can debate the political and social economics of this or any wedding, but, listen. I am proudly tacky. We hired a drag queen and a balloon artist/face painter and a karaoke DJ for our wedding, and it ruled. I cannot concern myself with some nebulous, waspy ideal of "classy;" one must live and seek joy in ways that feel authentic. (Also, nothing is that serious.)
This Culture Study essay from Anne Helen Petersen nails it. She writes: "What are you avoiding — even if you like it — because you've seen it at the last three weddings you attended? Is the wedding even about you, or is it about your parents, or is it about everyone else? Is it a ceremony or a performance or a party? Should planning it make you hate your partner or fall more in love with them?"
If you relate to the description of "theater kid with a budget," (ahem) the post is worth your time.
