Hello and welcome back! This week has brought us many special funny treasures, and I’ll be honest, they’re mostly concerning a man called Anthony Fauci. Buckle up, buttercups.

→ HRH Fauci!: Anthony Fauci, former director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, kept a journal. A diary filled with love notes to himself. Which I’ve literally never heard of a man doing, but that’s beside the point. I guess he also did it on his work computer, because Senator Rand Paul obtained and released it. I’m not sure where to begin. First, let’s get a sense of the tone. He carefully documents all the glitzy celebrations of himself, lists all the “movie stars and athletes” he has a Zoom call with, and carefully logs all the celebratory news stories about himself. It’s like an Excel spreadsheet of compliments. For a sense, here’s Anthony Fauci on Anthony Fauci:

Big front page article abut me appeared in the Washington Post. Very flattering. The situation with my national and international fame is explosive and really unimaginable. It is not hyoperbole to say that today I am the most famous and talked about person in the country and one of the most recognizable peson in the world. (Countless profiles on me in multiple media. I cannot even read all the things that are written abuyt me since I am so busy . . . seriously. POTUS seems to be enamored of me even though I am taking the spotlight away from him. We are developing a very unique and interesting relationship. The entire secret service corps is coming over to me and chatting. They let me into the first gate without even checking ID. Everyone is worried about my health and welfare, probably because it is all over the place that I am almost 80 years old.

He loved being a celebrity. The thing about it is, he really was being worshipped! There was a cult of Fauci. People were getting Fauci tattoos and dancing with images of Fauci. He really was on the cover of every magazine, which, if you think about it, was weird! If millions of Americans suddenly made me their cult leader, and I had previously just been an unknown short man in the back of an HIV press conference, I would go insane with power too. So would you. And when you see lockdowns in the context of a power-drunk elf getting turned on by the idea of canceling Easter—he’s typing so fast he can barely keep up—you can understand better what we all lived through. For him, the pleasure was canceling things, especially things he felt gave power to the right (sports, family gatherings, religious events). We can never forget the freaks who gain power in a centrally controlled system. Also: no diaries, ever, certainly none in Google Docs. I write my grocery lists on Signal, and you should too. Love letters via email have been forbidden until further notice. I will be dragged up in front of Congress one of these days, but so help me God, they aren’t going to know about one brunch I attended. Next up, the lab leak:

→ No one ever thought it was the wet market: In his diaries, Anthony Fauci clearly thought a lab leak was possible or even probable. Even as the whole elite intelligentsia made belief in wet-market origin a litmus test for being a good person for God knows what reason. Here’s Anthony Fauci in his journal in 2020:

It now appears using epi data and genomic data that the first infection was in early December and was not connected to the market. The infections spread among people weeks before the Chinese reported that they were dealing with a new infection and that gave the virus time to establish itself in multigenerational (sustained) spread. Remember, early on the Chinese were saying that there is no human-to-human transmission and all the original 27 cases were from the market. Now we know the market was not the source, it was the amplifier. Having said that, somewhere the virus jumped from animals to humans.

And Fauci himself thought it could definitely be tied to the gain-of-function research he knew was happening with Covid viruses in Wuhan. GOF is gain of function, which is basically when scientists give a virus a new trait (or “function”) so they can see how it behaves. Again, here’s Anthony Fauci:

There was not total agreement about the likelihood of deliberate insertion. Ron Fouchier said he was sure that this could occur naturally and we should not waste our time and divert effort to pursue this. This is expected of him since he was the original GOF person with Yoshihiro Kawaoka. Also, Christian Drosten was with Ron; the rest felt that deliberate insertion was possible, and given the fact that Dr. Shi Zhengli at the University of Wuhan has been working for years in GOF in coronaviruses to allow adaptation of the spike protein to bind to the human ACE2 receptor, we could not let this go.

To remind everyone: Suggesting that the U.S. funded gain-of-function research on Covid in Wuhan was considered slightly insane at the time. But in 2016 there was literally a Wuhan-linked coronavirus researcher writing: “This is terrific! We are very happy to hear that our gain-of-function research funding pause has been lifted.” The only reason I knew about any of this earlier was by reading a lunatic blog called ZeroHedge, that was like, Hey, there’s a Covid-making lab in Wuhan. In 2021, The New York Times’ global health reporter posted: “Someday we will stop talking about the lab leak theory and maybe admit its racist roots. But alas, that day is not yet here.” Racism is the cudgel that will hit you if you question why we have to wear a hazmat suit to walk to the mailbox. (She apologized amid backlash.) Never mind how it’s maybe more racist to say the Chinese gave us this disease from weird animals they eat and not from a sophisticated laboratory? Anyway, here’s NPR, again after Fauci’s own writing that gain-of-function research in Wuhan was a possible source of the virus:

Oh, also? Fauci knew in February 2020 that Covid’s case fatality rate was pretty low. He wrote, “This is acting like a bad influenza in its transmissibility,” and that the fatality rate is “more like 0.2-0.3 percent rather than 2.0 percent.” Schools were closed. Careers were lost. Suicides spiked. I had to give birth—literally go through labor!—in a face mask (try it sometime). And in the end, it was exactly what the baddies always said it was: a bad flu. The case fatality rate for the normal flu was about 0.1 percent.

All of these revelations will only very lightly be reported on. There’s currently a TV news blackout on the story, except on Fox News of course, per this one analysis.

That 0.5 percent is why everyone’s so upset about CBS News getting any tiny bit of intellectual complexity. How dare CBS News air that 0.5 percent on Fauci. This is the fascist takeover we warned you about.

And why do you care so much about relitigating Covid anyway? It’s in the past! Let it go. You didn’t like all those TikTok dances and making banana bread and the fact that your toddler regressed, your grandpa died alone, and you considered walking out on your spouse?...