| Adapted from an online discussion. Hi, Carolyn: Since September, the son of a family friend has been living with us and going to school here. His mom died traumatically six years ago, and his dad has been raising him alone since then. Over time, it became apparent that Dad wasn’t up to the task — that is the shortest and kindest way of putting it. The son has said he felt seriously neglected, which included school and brings me to the topic at hand. In sixth and seventh grade, he did nearly no schoolwork. He would stare at the wall all day and then simply refuse to do homework. He pretty much failed both grades. By the beginning of this school year, he just refused to go altogether and moved here. He’s doing much better here in eighth grade, but not great. He will usually do homework, but only the barest minimum, and still barely pays attention in class. I almost always have to be with him during homework, which is okay, but some subjects I simply can’t help with (hello, calculating a slope!). All the interventions are in place: a great support team at school, an IEP, special sessions one-on-one with a special ed teacher, regular teachers working with him after school, seeing a psychiatrist (on a waiting list for a therapist), regular primary-care visits, appropriate medications, neuropsych testing in two weeks. When I ask if he wants to do well in school, he says it makes no difference to him, so he’s getting mostly D’s and F’s. I know his trauma has made him averse to thinking about the future, which I think plays into it. So here’s my question (finally): I was thinking of offering him a large reward if he turns his grades around — think airplane trip to an awesome destination at the end of the school year. Is this a terrible idea or a clever one? I was equating it with work and getting an annual bonus. We work mostly for the reward, no? Does that logic apply here? It is probably obvious, but I don’t have any other kids, biological or otherwise. — My First Rodeo | 
