| Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: Since I moved away from my hometown two years ago, I’ve been trying to decide what to do about my dad. Time ran out because he had a heart attack this week and died. And I don’t know how to feel about it. I’m sad, but also the biggest detriment to my mental health is gone. He could be so coldhearted and condescending, and he was a hateful bigot. But he was also smart and successful, had his moments of being caring, and supported our family well — but screaming about us sucking him dry or being parasites. He’d call my 15-year-old little sister awful names, but then send her to the art school she had her heart set on and buy her a car on her 16th birthday. When I was 20 and my dog got hit by a car, he took care of everything, got him the best veterinary care, drove me to visit the poor guy every day until he was better. Other times, he’d laugh about our problems and mental health issues. He was also fighting his own demons, poor health and alcohol. Now I have to decide whether I’m going to the funeral, and my grandmom asked me to write his obituary. I don’t know how to feel or what to do. — Not Sure How I Feel |
