| Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: I live in a neighborhood where the homes are very close together. In the summer, my next-door neighbors periodically hold parties with loud music in their backyard, which is annoying with an infant, but it never woke them up when they were a newborn, so I’ve always just tolerated it in an attempt to be neighborly. Recently, they invited us to their teenager’s sweet 16; we went for the first hour, and it was pretty tame, and we went home to put our child to bed. Shortly thereafter, the music went on speakers, and it was so loud it made my ears throb. It went on for hours; we had to put our baby to bed in the bathroom with the fan on, and I worried for their hearing — it was way above safe limits. We definitely couldn’t sleep. Around 1 a.m., I decided enough was enough and went over to ask them to turn the speakers off but saw that another neighbor had called the police. The music ended. My ears rang for weeks afterward. We are friendly, but not friends. This was the first time we’d ever been invited to one of their parties, and I can’t help but see it as taking advantage of our goodwill — the invite was an attempt to keep us from calling the cops earlier. And it worked, though I would have asked them politely before escalating. With the weather warming up, these parties — though not as loud as the teenager’s party — are likely to become frequent again. Last summer, they held them about twice a month. I’d like to ask the neighbors nicely to just stay within our county’s noise ordinances — mainly, turn the music down around 9 p.m. My husband is afraid of starting conflict with a neighbor and generally being a party pooper. I want my toddler to sleep, and I think we should address things before a party (and alcohol) are already in motion. What do you think? — Close but Not Close | 
