| Dear Carolyn: I’m a college student who has a great group of friends. It took effort and outreach to facilitate these friendships — I’m not the most outgoing personality — but I count myself lucky, and I hope they do the same. Recently, a friend complained to some of us that we are not spending enough time with her, she feels lonely, and we need to do more as friends to reach out. It’s never fun to hear this from someone you care about, but there is more to the story that makes me struggle to sympathize. She has never reached out to make plans, as a group or one-on-one. Further, when I do set up plans for us, more than half the time she seems disengaged and uninterested in spending time with me, so I’ve reached out less often. I’m trying to be sympathetic to her feelings of loneliness, but to me, it seems like she wants us to solve the problem for her. A few friends and I checked in to make sure her mental health hasn’t declined, but she is seeing her therapist as usual and has assured us things have been going well on that front. How do I explain to her that her demands of our friendship feel unreasonable given that she has neglected my/my friends’ attempts to spend more time with her — while still validating her feelings? — A Leak in the Friend Ship | 
