Thousands of articles are coming out every month now about cell phones and their downsides, but one called “Your phone is why you don't feel sexy” got my attention.

It's a little click-bait-y, of course, but it's also one of the best essays I've read on how cell phones affect us.

You see the challenge of cell phones is not about our attentions and intellect, our entertainment addiction, or the echo chambers we fall into due to over-smart algorithms. At least, it's not primarily about those things.

The question of our cell phones is a more primal one, even existential. Are they making us less human? Are they downgrading us?

Catherine Shannon's answer points to “yes.” And that's why the article is important.

Embodiment is the foundation of being human. We live in our bodies, and what happens in our bodies matters. The physical aspects of our selves are inextricably linked to the emotional and mental aspects; all must flourish or none will. And this is where the “sexy” piece comes. We're physical and sexual beings – and (Shannon is right) sexiness matters. That is, the experiences tied to sexiness – desire, attraction, romance, risk, pursuit, connection – are crucial to us being fully alive and engaged in the world. Shannon shows us how, in at least five ways.

Desire. To be human is to have desire, and healthy desire is coherent, recognized, and actionable. Shannon says:

“Feeling sexy is not frivolous. Getting in touch with our true desires is critical if we want to feel connected, happy, driven, and alive. … Instantaneous access to everything obviously comes at a cost … We all behave like demented Roman emperors, at once bored and deranged, summoning whatever we want at any time.”

Dwelling and yearning. The experience of not having a thing you seek is necessary and instructive. To never dwell or yearn is bad for the soul. Shannon says:

“Today, everyone and everything is always available, and there’s nothing less sexy than that. There’s no chase. Our phones don’t allow us time to dwell, and they don’t allow us time to yearn.”

Connection. Meaningful (not fleeting or superficial) connection with others isn't optional for thriving, but rather required. Shannon says:

"Despite our current disappointments, the rise of technology during the late 90s and early 2000s was a pretty sexy time. The internet promised us, first and foremost, new ways to communicate and connect with each other. The human element was still at the core of this new, uncharted territory. It was brimming with possibility … We thought we’d be getting more of each other, not less … Our devices didn’t bring us closer together. They drove us further apart, deeper and deeper into our algorithmic hell holes.

No one feels connected, present, alive, embodied, or sexy when they’re on their phone all day."

Confidence. Viewing content for long periods of time diminishes your healthy sense of self, internally uprooting (the real) you. Shannon says:

"While you’re busy scrolling and following trends, your intuition, confidence, and drive atrophy inside of you."

Experiencing the here and now. Your phone-portal takes you away from presence, removing you from the sensations of the moment. Shannon says:

"The chance encounter, the pregnant pause, the flirtatious touch, the generous laugh — these are the sexy, ephemeral moments of life. The scroll is endless. …

We need to get off of our phones and hear the gravel crunching under our feet."

Shannon is saying we can't feel sexy or enact authentic romance when toting our phone around everywhere, lost in its siren-song. She's right.

The irony, it must be said, is overwhelming. The cell phone is the gateway to literally a million doors to harmful, poisonous, destruction-wielding sexual thoughts, sensations, and actions. (Pornhub is the sixth most popular web site in the world, and the average age people first engage with porn is now 12.) And yet real, human experiences of sexuality – even simply feeling legitimately “sexy or romantic” in human ways – are evaporating. As Shannon says in the essay, “an entire generation of young men are robbing themselves of agency, drive, and romantic relationships through their addiction to video games and pornography. It’s heartbreaking to think that they’ll never experience true risk, true reward, or true romance.”

She’s right, it is heartbreaking.

Being human means experiencing eros, and eros is the foundation of “sexiness,” and authentic sexiness between two IRL (in real life) individuals is a key ingredient to healthy dating (which is also on the decline). Dating is a prerequisite to marriage, and stable marriages are arguably the largest indicator of overall health of a society, especially for children. And yet the marriage rate in the United States has fallen by nearly 60 percent since the 1970s. (To be clear, I'm not saying that everyone should marry or that being unmarried is bad; I'm saying there are dire consequences for a society in which marriages and resulting intact families diminish.)

Smoking gun? You tell me. What is true is that overuse of our cell phones has enormous consequences for us all.

Here's the thing:  there are no shortcuts to gaining the things that matter most (and cause thriving) in life. Natural law is real and binding, in this case and every. A committed life partner who loves you and whom you love – or even the possibility of such a partner – can only come through following healthy paths of being human. There’s no flourishing apart from walking these paths. There's certainly no flourishing in a life of rotting away (body and soul) with eyes glued to your cell phone screen.

So Catherine Shannon:  thank you. I'm here for healthy sexiness, and a world where healthy sexiness and romance (dwelling, desiring, yearning, communicating, risk, reward) are not just a possibility but normal again.

Susan Arico is a New Hampshire-based consultant and writer with focus in digital wellness and the intersection of faith and culture. You can follow her on her Substack, For the Sake of the Good, and at her web site, www.susanbarico.com.