For Melani Sanders, a mother and wife, it started after a grocery run. She got in her car, pulled out her phone, and declared that she didn’t care—about shaving her legs, about wearing a “real bra,” or about keeping her house tidy. That first video rant turned into the We Do Not Care Club, a viral chorus of women finding freedom in saying no to expectations of how they should look and act, particularly when it comes to appeasing men. “Sanders’s digital rebellion speaks both to and for a silent majority of women who are tired of contorting themselves,” Anna Holmes writes.
Of course, caring less isn’t always easy. Humans are wired to worry about what others think—a holdover of our ancient survival instincts, Arthur C. Brooks notes. But, as he explains, most fears about judgment are overblown; our co-workers, our neighbors, even strangers online aren’t thinking about us nearly as much as we imagine. Letting go of that pressure can unlock a more honest life. Sometimes, our rejection of norms reshapes even the most intimate choices, such as who to marry and what kind of partner to be.
Not caring doesn’t mean apathy. It means deciding whose approval matters and whose doesn’t. In a world crowded with pressures about how to live, look, and love, indifference can be its own quiet act of defiance. Today’s newsletter explores societal expectations, and what it means not to care.
