| Dear Carolyn: My partner is enmeshed with her family member. I think it may have something to do with a family trauma, and it may also be cultural. I am wondering if there is any hope for a couple when one partner does not realize they are enmeshed. She sees their relationship as completely normal, but my boundaries are regularly violated: family member showing up to work events, last-minute changes of plan that I am forced into accommodating, family member getting angry when not included in private social events, shows of physical affection that seem inappropriate to me (but are cultural and not sexual, so I’m trying to get over my inner squick). My partner and I know there is a problem, but we have different views on what the problem is. She views my boundaries as rejection and being rigid, and believes an outright refusal to involve her family member in certain areas of our lives puts her in an impossible position. We have said out loud that we want our relationship to work, we want to do the work, and we are willing to look into counseling. We love each other. But I feel so scared. This sort of thing seems so ingrained and cultural, and I fear that any attempt to make her see it will drive her away. Can you please give me hope? Have others surmounted such steep challenges? — Partner | 
