4 ways to flourish in good times and bad
For the last few weeks, I’ve been dealing with emergencies both big and small. My heart and mind have been racing as I bolt from work, to a friend in crisis, to my mother, who has been sick. I do not feel as though I’m flourishing. But adversity is a part of life, and you can flourish through it, according to two experts from the Center for Healthy Minds at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Richard Davidson, the center’s founder and director, and Cortland Dahl, a scientist at the center, say that our ability to flourish comes not from life’s wins and losses, but from how we navigate them. To flourish, they told me, is to have a life that feels meaningful and rich, despite the challenges we’ll inevitably face. And in their research, they’ve found that our daily routines and rituals can help us get there. In their new book “Born to Flourish,” they say flourishing falls into a few main categories: awareness, connection, insight and purpose. Dr. Davidson and Dr. Dahl recommend four easy exercises, one from each category, that can help. You can do them daily or a few times a week — whatever works best for you, Dr. Dahl said. AwarenessResearch suggests that practicing mindful attention, or simply observing your thoughts and feelings, can reduce stress and anxiety and increase feelings of contentment. Here is the exercise the experts recommend: Take a moment or two and look around. Notice some of the small details you usually overlook, such as the shapes and colors of objects around you. Then, slowly close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Bring your attention to the sounds in your environment. Give yourself a few moments to relax and rest. Being perpetually distracted can feel chaotic, Dr. Dahl said, “but being aware feels good, and it puts you in the driver’s seat.” ConnectionConnection is another pillar of flourishing. People with strong ties live longer and have greater well-being. And it’s easier to find closeness than you might think, the experts said. They suggest looking for ways to generate small “sparks of connection” every day, Dr. Davidson said. Compliment a co-worker or text someone you love. We experience what the experts call “flashes of appreciation and care” every single day, whenever we lend a helping hand or offer a kind word. To build your relationship muscles, they added, savor these “flashes” when you can. InsightInsight is the capacity to see how our thoughts, emotions and beliefs shape the way we perceive ourselves and the world, Dr. Dahl said. Those “aha!” moments of deep understanding flow out of insight, and they are instrumental to feeling that we’re living a meaningful life. The authors offered a simple journal exercise to sharpen your insight. At the end of the day, use the following prompts: What did I learn about myself today? How did my thoughts and feelings shape the way I see things? As you write, don’t just rehash events. Delve into why and how you behaved, using curiosity rather than judgment. Self-inquiry leads to self-knowledge, Dr. Dahl said. And understanding your thoughts and patterns can help you cope better, he added. PurposeOur purpose is a North Star that guides us, Dr. Davidson said; it’s a mix of our deepest aspirations and our guiding principles. People sometimes assume that purpose involves finding something “grand” to do, Dr. Davidson said. But you can recognize meaning and purpose in your everyday life. Dr. Dahl and Dr. Davidson have conducted research that suggests having a purpose makes people feel more positive, fosters a sense of belonging and improves resilience. So try this exercise to get clearer about what really matters to you. Start by reflecting on your interests, causes you’re passionate about and meaningful moments in your life. Then, ask yourself why they mattered. Maybe graduating from school represents values like perseverance, hard work or the importance of education, they write. Finally, look for ways to reinforce those values. If part of your purpose is learning, for example, find ways to express your commitment to it, whether it’s reading, sharing information with others or listening to podcasts. In one study, researchers asked public-school teachers to take a moment before they started their workday to reflect on their purpose in becoming a teacher. The teachers found that this simple exercise “gave them strength and confidence,” Dr. Davidson said. I have started a similar exercise. Many of you reach out to me, and most mornings I respond to your letters. It’s a regular reminder that I write this newsletter for you. Which reminds me: I’m working on a column about small lifestyle changes that make a big impact on your health. I’d love to know yours. Write to me at well_newsletter@nytimes.com, and I may use your answer in an upcoming column. Like this email?
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