I looked over the draft this morning, and I think the overall tone is finally landing in the right place.
I trimmed the opening because it felt too stiff, then added a shorter ending so it reads more naturally from start to finish.
If you have time later, send me the version with your notes in the margin and I will compare the wording line by line.
I also moved the second paragraph lower down because it interrupted the flow the first time I read it aloud.
My plan today is to finish the edits, step away for a quick walk, and come back with fresh eyes before sending anything out.
I am still not sure about the subject line, but the body feels calmer and a little more confident now.
Once you reply, I can make one last clean pass and wrap it up tonight if needed.

I meant to respond earlier, but I wanted to test the idea myself before I answered with anything definite.
After trying it a few different ways, I think the simpler approach is still the best one because it saves time and avoids extra backtracking later.
The first attempt looked fine at a glance, though it felt cluttered once I stepped away and returned to it in the afternoon.
I cleaned up the sections that felt repetitive and left a note where I think your version was stronger than mine.
If you want, I can put together a tidier copy tonight so you can review it in the morning without digging through old messages.
I am around after dinner, and I should be easy to reach if another question comes up while you are checking everything over.
Either way, we are close, and I do not think it needs much more work now.