Dear Abigail,

My husband and I have a 7-month-old daughter, and we’re thrilled. She is a joy in our lives. However, ever since I became pregnant, my husband has been increasingly showing signs of behavior that are typically associated with postpartum depressed mothers. Once a happy and thoughtful man, he has become self-absorbed, overly introspective, and constantly negative. His complaints are often that his needs and wants aren’t being met, and that he is unhappy. For example, he complained to me recently that “he is no one’s favorite anymore,” and he claims that all the focus in our household and amongst both sets of grandparents goes toward our daughter. I was bewildered and flummoxed. I thought, “Surely he’s not jealous of a baby?”

I have known him for eight years, and I never experienced him being overly needy or wielding “emotional swords” about what he believes I’m not giving him—this behavior began when the baby entered the picture. I make a point to thank him every day for ways that he has been helpful. I compliment him on what I think he does well. And I have also been clear that I am not going to lie to him or “validate” him for poor behavior. I have told him that I think his recent behavior is immature and selfish—and that I know the foundation of his character is strong, and that he is capable of growing in maturity.

I don’t believe I ask an excessive amount from him. I work full-time and earn a very strong salary in a career of which I’m proud. I handle almost all day care drop-offs and pickups. I wake our baby up in the morning, get her ready for school, and do bedtime. My parents regularly babysit so that my husband and I have some time off from childcare. I manage all the family’s finances and investments. I have provided a house for our family in a beautiful neighborhood in the state’s best public school district. We are so privileged and, frankly, lucky. I think to myself, “How can he be so negative?”

He’s no deadbeat. He also has a lucrative job. He walks the dog, cooks meals, and washes dishes while I care for the baby.

Overall, I find myself so confused. How can two people in the same household have such wildly different experiences? I feel so fulfilled and content post-baby. He feels pushed aside and overwhelmed. He seeks constant praise and gratitude, for what I feel is 25 percent of the load I carry for our family. For someone who seeks praise and thanks, he never offers praise or thanks to me. When I think about it in those terms, I feel so angry. It seems like, in his mind, it must be all about him. What about our family?

What is the path forward from here? How do I encourage him to move past the “me” mindset? How do I help him see the blessings in our life? The sun is SHINING, and he’s moving around with a rain cloud above his head.

—Rose, 33

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Dear Rose,

Want to know the secret to a happy husband? Here is the advice my friend’s mom gives to each of her daughters. Wisdom so crystalline in its clarity, its transmission ought to be accompanied by ritual cleansing and animal sacrifice.

At no extra charge, I present: “The Three F’s.”

1. Feed him

2. Flatter him

3. You get the idea

That’s it. Maintaining a happy husband is typically that easy...