(Alex Brandon/AP)

This. Cabinet. Has. EVERYTHING.

By Shane O’Neill Email

Please read this in the voice of SNL’s Stefon: This. Cabinet. Has. EVERYTHING.

• A former talk show host who went viral shopping for crudités.
• A ripped old man who went viral doing shirtless push-ups.
• A governor who went viral for killing her dog.
• An accused sex offender who went viral announcing the existence of his adopted son.
• A senator who went viral sipping from a water bottle.

Notice a pattern? No, not just advocating hydroxychloroquine as a covid treatment (though both Dr. Oz and RFK Jr. have done just that).

If Trump has a love language, it is publicity. His Cabinet picks reflect this.

In terms of entertainment value, it’s a pretty great assemblage of quirky personalities.

If TV cameras were rolling — and who’s to say they won’t be? — I could imagine that watching Elon Musk getting a spandex wrestling makeover from WWE co-founder Linda McMahon could be amusing for up to … IDK, like three minutes?

But alas, Donald Trump is choosing his Cabinet, not casting a TV show.

In her column about Trump’s picks, Monica Hesse wrote that “elections have consequences, as we’re going to be hearing for the next four or 40 years.”

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Three of Trump’s 12 Cabinet picks have been accused of sexual misconduct. As Hesse wrote, “a rather high percentage for any office job?”

The House Ethics Committee meets today. Presumably, they will decide whether to release their report on Matt Gaetz. According to reporting from The Post, that panel was told that Gaetz paid $10,000 to two women, “in part for sex.”

As Politico reported, it would only take one Republican vote to officially make their findings public.

Another possible outcome: If they don’t release the report, a member of the committee could read it into the record on the House floor.

No idea how likely that would be. Not sure whether it would be the right thing to do, politically or ethically.

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But I know this: The moment would go viral.

COLUMN All the president’s problematic men Good help is hard to find — unless you lower the bar that once considered sexual misconduct and other alleged events as a barrier to being in Trump’s Cabinet. By Monica Hesse

(Illustration by Katty Huertas/The Washington Post; Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images for Disney

The Country Music Awards (CMAs) are tonight. Beyoncé and her country (or is it?) album “Cowboy Carter” received no nominations.

The CMAs are arguably the biggest night in country music. Beyoncé is arguably the biggest music star in the known universe.

What gives?

Emily Yahr tracked down CMA voters to find out. 

On the one hand, it seems like the country music establishment would want to reward someone expanding the circle of listeners. After the release of “Cowboy Carter,” Beyoncé became the first Black woman to lead the Top Country Albums chart in its history. And the album debuted at No. 1 on the Billboard charts and the single “Texas Hold ’Em” was No. 1 on the Hot Country Songs chart in February.

On the other hand, Bey herself captioned an Instagram post with “This ain’t a Country album. This is a ‘Beyoncé’ album.”

Another publicist Yahr spoke to said she didn’t view Beyoncé’s caption as a rejection of the country label. She voted for “Cowboy Carter” and said she was happy to have seen Beyoncé sweep the Grammy noms (Beyoncé is now the most-nominated artist in Grammy history).

Many of the people Yahr talked to said that they were wary of voting for an artist who may be dabbling in the genre when the award should go to country music lifers.

(Terry Wyatt/Getty Images)

The CMAs did reward country newcomer Post Malone with four nominations. Several voters Yahr spoke with said that the fact that Postie posted up in Nashville for several months helped bolster his credibility as an artist who cares about the conventions of country.

By the way, yesterday Malone announced his biggest tour ever with support from Jelly Roll and Sierra Ferrell.

He’s calling it “The BIG ASS Stadium Tour” and I can’t decide if that’s the best or worst name I’ve ever heard.

Beyoncé didn’t make the CMA Awards final ballot. Voters explain why. The annual country music trophy show, airing Wednesday, saw Beyoncé shut out while Post Malone was nominated in four categories. Voters share some reasons for that. By Emily Yahr

New TV trope just dropped!

The quirky female crime solver, now freed from the stereotypes and baggage that historically plagued her.

As Laura Bradley wrote:

How quirky female crime-solvers took over TV Series such as “Matlock,” “Elsbeth,” “High Potential” and “Poker Face” showcase a new detective archetype. By Laura Bradley

(iStock)

Big things — like a cinnamon powder product recall — are “horsemen” of the apocalypse.

Little things — like a Drunk Elephant product recall — are “horsies” of the apocalypse.

Today’s four horsies:

1. Some current trends: grown out roots, hotel slippers, canvas tote bags, black leather blazers and $40 corsets. Taken in aggregate, it seems the hot look for 2025 could be “exhausted dominatrix running errands.”
2. Coca-Cola has made an AI Coke commercial. ESPN has made an AI sports commentator. Kim Kardashian posted a video of herself interacting with a Tesla humanoid robot. Suddenly I’m ready for the singularity.
3. Prada is making virtual bags for bitmojis on Snapchat. I want to make fun of this, but Mrs. Prada seems to know what she’s doing … and it’s not like I can afford a Prada bag IRL … so I guess I’ll go reactivate my Snapchat account?