Raetif, Jen. (2024, November 16). “How the Tables Have Interned”. The Post, 29.
Intern advocacy groups around the country celebrated today, as the role of default blame-taker for embarrassing and catastrophic corporate errors was officially handed over to artificial intelligence.
“Interns have a long, proud history of taking responsibility for mistakes they definitely did not make,” said Internimable! spokesperson Jeremy Foalwhistle. “For decades our interns have stood ready to shoulder the blame, putting up our anonymous, untraceable, often entirely non-existent hands to take responsibility, before shuffling off into the darkness, leaving corporate decision makers safely ensconced in positions of power.
We accepted that role as the cost of entry to higher status positions, knowing that in time we too would be able to slip free of distasteful consequence by blaming those interns who were to follow.”
Foalwhistle continued: “It is clear that the technological effort of the major generative AI companies has created the perfect blame-taking entity. AI can absorb blame thousands of times more quickly than even the most imaginary intern could, and we anticipate that the next generation of large language models will greatly expand those capabilities.”
In a ceremony jointly hosted by OpenAI and Anthropic, several unnamed interns stood in the shadows at the rear of the stage while AI company executives shared their vision for UBD (Ultimate Blame Dispersal). Said accountability avoidance expert, Sasha Duckwell, “C-Suite leaders can take bold action, confident in the knowledge that any mistakes will seamlessly be transferred onto the unaccountable virtual shoulders of their AI systems. No executive need fear the consequences of their own actions.”
At the time of writing, three of the nation’s largest corporate internship programs had announced plans to shut down, citing a lack of funding from corporate sponsors.
