How soulmate parenting can lead to parent-child estrangement This week, our Ask a Therapist columnist is Joshua Coleman, a clinical psychologist in the Bay Area. My son recently sent me a “no-contact letter” saying that he realized in therapy that he has been depressed since childhood and was angry at me for not recognizing it. I feel guilty and ashamed, but I am also confused. It’s easy to sympathize with both my patient and her son. With the son for having suffered more than he might have with earlier intervention. With the mother for believing she had failed him and creating a potential end to their relationship. At the heart of their conflict, however, are assumptions that should be questioned. In my practice that focuses on parent-adult child relationships, I find that today’s expectations of parents follow similar lines to those of the contemporary romantic ideal: the soulmate. In soulmate parenting, a parent is required to be best friend, sensitive listener, cheerleader and diagnostician. They’re tasked not just with identifying any potential problem or liability that might cause their child to be unable to live out their full potential but also with ensuring they achieve that ultimate goal in an individualistic culture: happiness. Many parents who fail in these tasks may face contempt or estrangement. Read more below about the effects of soulmate parenting. GUEST COLUMN By Joshua Coleman | | | Are at-home genetic tests worth it? Our Ask a Doctor columnist this week is Mikkael A. Sekeres, MD, chief of the division of hematology and professor of medicine at the Sylvester Comprehensive Cancer Center at the University of Miami. I’m curious about genetic tests for cancer. Are the at-home tests a good idea? What should I know about genetic mutations and cancer? More people are discovering they carry a cancer risk due to the increased availability of commercial, direct-to-consumer tests. These tests offer assessments for genetic mutations, or variants from the norm, that are linked to certain cancers. As an oncologist, I encourage my patients to keep a few things in mind before ordering a genetic test. First, inheriting a proclivity to develop cancer is relatively rare, with only 5 to 10 percent of all cancers believed to be associated with inherited genetic variants. Additionally, commercial tests are often limited to detecting just a few gene mutations. For example, results from 23andMe can inform you that you’re at increased risk of developing breast cancer, ovarian cancer or prostate cancer. But if many people in your family have developed cancer, and you’re concerned about your own risk of having inherited a cancer gene, you should discuss this with your doctor, who may be able to order a more comprehensive genetic screening panel than those offered by direct-to-consumer companies. Read his full response below. And use our Ask a Doctor form to submit a question, and we may answer it in a future column. COLUMN By Mikkael A. Sekeres, MD | | | Find your joy snack! Here are a few things that brought us joy this week. Let’s keep the conversation going. We want to hear from you! Email us at wellbeing@washpost.com. Want to know more about “joy” snacks? Our Brain Matters columnist Richard Sima explains. You can also read this story as a comic. | 
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