| Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: My mother-in-law, “Mia,” is dying of cancer, and I want to find a path that respects her wishes without throwing our blended family into chaos. My husband and I married two years ago after one year of dating. We each have two teenage children. Blending the families has been difficult, but we’re in a mostly good place now. Mia is a lovely woman who was very welcoming to me and my children. When she got sick, I noticed “tiers” forming in the family. She wanted just her two kids, no in-laws, involved in decisions about her care. Sometimes she would ask my brother-in-law and me to leave the room during her treatment. I have been respectful of that, but it’s not the greatest feeling. Mia also requested that once she enters hospice, her visitors be limited to just her children, biological grandchildren, and sister and brother — no in-laws, no steps. She would like to say her goodbyes to the rest of the family before. I find this somewhat hurtful, but I think my children will find it extremely hurtful, and I worry it will throw off the household peace. I have asked my husband to speak to his mom, but he is unwilling to. He feels it is more important that she doesn’t feel pressured than other people’s feelings be considered. I fully recognize that Mia has the final say, but I worry about the long-term consequences. Should I speak to my husband again? Speak to Mia myself? Accept her decision? — Tier | 
